Less Haste, More Lingering
Somewhere along the way, exhaustion has become a personality trait. We wear hustling like a badge of honour. Coffee before water. Emails before sunlight. F45 till you dry retch and productivity before anything. We rush through meals, through conversations, through entire seasons of our lives and then wonder why our bodies start whispering… then whimpering and eventually screaming.
The diagnosis here is the misalignment of Yin and Yang. Yang being action, output, movement, ambition, striving. It’s the “go harder” energy that modern life prays towards. It is the masculine. Yin is the opposing with feminine ruling rest, nourishment, softness, intuition, stillness, receptivity. Yet, one cannot exist without the other.
Most women I see, particularly those navigating the transitional spaces of perimenopause and menopause, have spent decades living in a world that rewards Yang energy while leaving very little room for Yin. And eventually the body begins asking for a different conversation.
The fatigue, brain fog, anxiety, digestive issues, hormonal chaos, crappy sleep, the tired but wired score. And funnily, this strange heaviness abounds that no green smoothie seems to fix (or any smoothie for that matter where TCM is concerned!). It’s giving big red flag vibes that is as unnatural as it is disruptive. Mindfully, it doesn’t happen to all but incredibly common. If we sat back and examined why some women move through these years with less disruption than others, we would often find differences in how they have been living, resting, nourishing themselves and responding to stress over time.
Granted, genetics, lifestyle and environment all come in to play whether you transition nicely or shabbily. But we can't place all the responsibility on hormones or the human body. Whether consciously chosen or simply inherited from the culture around us, many of the ways we move through life leave little room for the natural dance between Yin and Yang.
Chinese Medicine teaches us to live cyclically, not mechanically. Winter is not spring (though some might object to that if living in Melbourne!). Menopause is not and never will be your twenties. Evening is not Monday morning energy in prettier lighting. Yet modern life asks us to perform with the same intensity through every season of the day, month and year. No wonder so many women feel disconnected from themselves.
The beauty of Yin and Yang is not perfection but awareness. It is simply asking:
Does this nourish me or deplete me?
Am I forcing or flowing?
What rhythm is my body asking for right now?
Healing begins with radical tiny rebellions. Aspects that are not designed to turn you upside down and inside out but little tweaks of your lifestyle to rehash a regime that satisfies the feminine. Engaging small rituals can equal big shifts. Perhaps you can try;
- Opting for a meditation or walk rather than looking at your phone in the morning.
- Rehydrating with warm lemon and water before coffee.
- Eating breakfast sitting down instead of replying to messages.
- Dimming lights in the evening to foster melatonin and unwind deliberately.
- Choosing an earlier bed rather than Netflix/work tasks/cleaning.
- Preferencing Yin style options to balance out more active forms e.g. Acupuncture, Yin yoga, tai chi, mindful walking, breathwork.
- Organising your week into Yin and Yang shifts i.e. following up a busy day with a slower morning, saying no to extra weekend activities if you already navigate kid’s sport.
In Chinese Medicine, women move through life in seven-year cycles. We are not meant to remain the same forever, no matter how much Botox you get. There are seasons of expansion, seasons of creation, seasons of refinement, and seasons of deep transformation. Perimenopause and menopause are not failures of the body but rites of passage to transition from outward striving into inward wisdom.
And with this intrinsic motion, I notice many women begin questioning everything during these years. There is often an overwhelm and a sense that something needs to change, even if it's not yet clear what. Life as it once was no longer fits quite so comfortably. There are also the ones oblivious to the nagging within. That doesn’t serve you well as you move into the latter years.
Ancient traditions viewed elder women as wise rather than obsolete. And Chinese Medicine has understood that as reproductive energy softens, another kind of power emerges if it’s given a chance. What comes is clarity, intuition and discernment with less performance and more truth. It becomes easier to soften while also developing a wonderfully refined capacity to say, "No thank you," when required. Or, more so in my eyes, a well-earned, "fuck off."
But, to hear that inner wisdom, we often need to slow down enough to listen (or the alternative is to be cracked open).
Modern culture tells women they can have it all, do it all and smile while doing it. Personally, I've always been a little suspicious of that promise and call bullshit. I think we can have many things, but it puts significant aspects of life at jeopardy. The challenge isn't that we can't have meaningful careers, families, friendships and good health. It's that something eventually requires more of our attention. Energy, time and resources are finite, even if modern culture likes to pretend otherwise. If you desire a happy, content family, then career (for you) will be pushed to the side. What if your health gives you clues that the way you are living just can’t continue (think autoimmune conditions like hypothyroid, psoriasis, Chrohn’s, or even period pain, rosacea, recurrent UTI’s). Then perhaps it’s friends and career and not just health that suffers. Society/patriarchy unconsciously pushes you to strive harder until there is a disconnect. This is where the wonderful world of Chinese Medicine earns it stars. It gently suggests the opposite: soften, rest, recalibrate. Come back to your body and, return to the rhythms of nature. Eat warm foods. Sleep more when tired. Honour the fact that your hormones, emotions and energy naturally ebb and flow. Because you are not a machine. You are cyclical by nature and perhaps the most rebellious thing a woman can do in a world obsessed with speed… is to stop rushing and create a life that actually feels good to live.
Accepting less haste and more lingering creates a grounded passageway. Having your attention on where you want to go, with a side eye of the other significant facets like family, career and friends, will set you up for a smoother journey. Giving attention to the early signs is key.
Perimenopause and menopause are not the problem. They are often the messenger. They have a remarkable way of highlighting where our current pace, expectations or habits may no longer be serving us. I am here to say, busy is not a marker of success.
Moving into your 40s and 50s often becomes less about proving yourself and more about valuing yourself with less performance and a whole lot more presence. Who says your children are less if they don’t do 3 sports a week? Who says you need to have perfect nails/hair/lashes/teeth? Who says an eye-catching Instagram grid makes for popularity? Begin by choosing you, even just small moments. Do something you love, for only you and with only you. That’s how perimenopause and menopause become beautiful transitions into the wise old world of womanhood.
I believe the goal isn't to just "survive" perimenopause or menopause at all. Perhaps the invitation is to stop living as though every day is a Tuesday morning staff meeting and start creating a life that feels nourishing enough to stay in.
